Dating your ex

Set aside time for each of them and honor it — don't drag your lover along on girls' night out (not even if your lover is a lady; queer chicks are 4. Don't ask your man if you're prettier/smarter/better at Scrabble than his last girlfriend.

Don't do this ever, but especially not if his last girlfriend is the person you're going rock climbing with Sunday.

This rule is almost never stated or enforced among queer communities.

If you're gay, you will almost inevitably date a friend's ex at some point.

Trust that your dude is with you because he likes you and you're awesome, not because he's biding his time until your friend takes him back.

Trust that your friend is happy you've found someone you dig, not plotting to sabotage your love.

Whether you're gay, straight, bi, or not into labels, dating a friend's ex can absolutely be done without sacrificing your friendship — you just have to follow a few simple guidelines.1. It's common to assume that anything shared with you is by default shared with your partner as well; however, your friend might be much less comfortable speaking to you in confidence if she thought the details of her personal life were going to be relayed to someone who used to share her toothbrush.

(I'm going to use female pronouns for your friend, and male pronouns for your sweetie, for the sake of simplicity; however, every rule here applies no matter the genders of the participants.) Keep your friend's secrets.

Besides, comparing yourself to anybody — even if you come out ahead — is going to lead to feeling crappy, because basing your self-esteem on where you stand relative to someone else is Not Healthy.They believe this is something everybody knows, that they're just following the rules.What I've noticed, though, is that every person I've heard espouse this worldview was straight.But don't assume she doesn't want an invite if you haven't asked!In general, allow your friend and your sweetheart to decide how much contact they want with each other, and don't push them to associate if they're not into it.

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However, in order to maintain a healthy relationship with both of them, it's crucial that you never seem even a little like you're taking sides in their breakup or casting either one as the bad guy, even months or years after the fact.

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